Prose

Bisikleta.

Sabi nila, masarap sumakay sa bisikleta. Dadalhin ka nito sa mga lugar na hindi mo inaasahang mararating mo. Di ako marunong sumakay ng bisikleta kasi takot akong mahulog. Sabi nila masakit daw kasi sumemplang. Nung nakilala kita, parang kinain ko lahat ng sinabi ko. Nung nakilala kita, para akong engot na nagtapang tapangan kasi alam ko na kahit may posibilidad na mahulog ako sayo at tapos ay masaktan, alam ko na magiging masaya parin ako. Sa unang padyak ng ating pagkakaibigan, parang di natin alam ang patutunguhan natin. Pakapa kapa pa tayo sa kung ano ang ugali ng isa’t isa. Sinusubukan kung may patutunguhan nga ba ang ating pagkakaibigan. Nang malaman na natin na kahit papano ay kaya naman pala, sinundan ito ng pangalawa, pangatlo at pangapat na padyak. Onti-unti na tayong nagkakaron ng direction sa ating relasyon. Onti onti  nang nawawala ang takot ko na mahulog. Na sumemplang. Pagkatapos ng ilang padyak sigurado na ako na gusto ko ito. Na gusto ko sayo. Hindi ko na nais pang isipin pa kung mahuhulog ba ako o masasaktan din ba. Ang alam ko lang… Masaya ako. Gusto ko to. Gusto kita. Kailangan ko ngayon malaman kung pano magbalanse. Pano ko ngayon pagbabalansehin ang aking oras sa iyo, sa pamilya ko at sa trabaho ko. Kahit na mahirap, alam ko matututunan ko rin ito. Pag natuto kasi ako magbalanse, alam ko na mas malayo ang mararating ko. Ang mararating natin. Nang unti onti akong natututong magbalanse, nararamdaman ko na ang galak na sinasabi ng mga marunong magbisekleta. Oo nga no. Totoo pala yun. Masarap pala sa pakiramdam ang sumakay ng bisikleta. Masarap pala kasi kasama kita. Ang dami nating narating. Andiyan ka kapag nasa oras ako ng tag-lamig, tag-ulan o tag-araw. Alam mo lahat ng mga paborito kong lugar na puntahan at mga lugar na kainan. Ang masarap pa dito, sa bawat pag padyak ko. Sa bawat pag padyak natin ay bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ikaw lang ang nakapagpabilis sa tibok ng puso ko ng ganto. Dahil dito, ayoko ng bumaba pa sa biyaheng ito. Ayoko nang tumigil sa pagpadyak at pagbalanse. Alam ko na mahihirapan ako pero kung ikaw ang kasama ko, alam ko na lahat ng pagod ko ay mapapawi.

Gusto kong magpasalamat sayo kasi tinuruan mo kong pumadyak. Gusto kong magpasalamat sayo kasi tinuruan mo kong magbalanse. Gusto kong magpasalamat sayo kasi tinuruan mo kong magbisikleta. Pero… Kagaya ng kinatatakotan ko, ako, ay nahulog. Ito na nga ba ang kinakatakutan ko eh. Sabi nila delikado daw. Dapat nakinig nalang ako sa kanila. Sabi nila masakit daw eh. Pero di ako nakinig kasi nagmatigas ako. Hindi ako nakinig kasi alam ko bawat pagpadyak ko ay sulit basta ikaw ang kasama ko sa biyaheng ito. Bakit? Bakit mo ako hinayaang mahulog? Bakit hindi mo ko tinulungan sa pagpadyak? Bakit hinayaan mo na mawalan ako ng balanse at sumemplang nalang basta basta? Bakit mo ako iniwan sa ere? Bakit mo ako iniwan? Bakit mo hinayaang masugatan ako kahit alam mong ito ang pinakakinakatakotan ko? Bakit mo hinayaan mangyari to? Bakit mo ko pinabayaan? Bakit?

Hindi ko man malaman ang mga sagot sa mga tanong na ‘yan, isa lang ang alam ko. Kahit masakit ang pagsemplang ko, kahit masakit ang pag-iwan mo, nag-iwan ka naman ng mga ala-alang hinding hindi ko makakalimutan. Dahil sayo nawala ang takot ko. Dahil sayo nakarating ako sa mga lugar na hindi ko lubos aakalain at dahil sayo…. Dahil sayo.. Natuto akong magmahal. Kaya kahit masakit, alam ko na bawat pagpadyak ay sulit na sulit, basta ba para sayo.

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Prose

Decrescendo

Decrescendo (n). A gradual reduction in force or sound. That is what the dictionary says. That is exactly what my music teacher taught me. A gradual decrease of volume. From loud to soft. It has never been the other way around.

The thing is, you are my decrescendo. You came into my life so alive, so energetic. You are like a little ball of sunshine that I cannot contain. You light up my darkest night. You came to me so loud that I can’t even hear my cries of pain when depression hits me at night. You are my joy. You are such a great force that you make my frown upside down. That is a big thing, you know. You are a big thing. You are my big thing. I find myself craving for you. Your energy, your force, your delightful sound. Every time I hear your voice, it is as if I am this mighty warrior that can slay my biggest dragon. You changed the way I view myself. When you entered my life, I knew, that you’re someone special.

But… What happened to you. Did I suck all your energy, that caused you to decrease your force? Is it true that I am this emotional vampire that just sucks the life out of you? Why did you let the black hole suck the joy that you can give me. Ohh.. This is not a good thing. I can start hearing my cries of pain once again… I can start feeling my smile slowly giving up to the call of gravity. What is happening, I ask myself. Oh, you have no idea how you’ve made an impact in my life by the way, so I cannot just ask you what happened. But I guess now I know it’s clear to me. Now I know what you are to me. You gave life to one of my most neglected musical symbols. Oh great. A vivid recollection passed by my memory lane. All the songs that you’ve sung to me seem to decrease in its volume. I am sure that I didn’t press the mute button. But it’s alright. I’ve accepted it already. This is how you’re designed. You’re designed to make a strong impact in my musical piece, but you’re also designed to leave soon. I did not choose this but this is how it’s supposed to be. Besides, you’re a decrescendo. You are MY decrescendo.

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Prose

This is What Love Really is.

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Do you know what love can do? If you don’t, then I’ll tell you.

Love can make a girl go crazy for that boy who’s just too cool to study. Even if he keeps his cool, this guy can still make this girl drool. Lol. See, love can make you rhyme, even if you don’t intend to. Love can make you write, such lovely lovely poetry straight from the vessels of your heart. Actually from your brain, but you just know it’s from your “heart”. Love can make you scream on the inside just cause she said hi to you. Love can make you feel those uninvited butterflies inside of your stomach. Love can make you dream of how sweet tomorrow can bring for the both of you.

Love can make a boy sing songs to a girl he’s really into [even if he doesn’t really sing well and is absolutely shy]. Love can make a guy ready to face rejection, just so he can take a chance of taking this lovely lady out for dinner. Love can make you send messages that you can’t say in front of this person, but just do it anyway because it’s worth the risk. Love can make you sing such lovely melodies, cause you just know you found your harmony.

Love can make some people save their money just to buy someone expensive things. Love can keep you sane and alive ’til those ungodly hours of the day, just to talk to this other person who, at the end of the line speaks of sweet and endearing words. Love can make you do things you never thought you’d ever do. Because love, it maybe a risk, but it’s worth the take. Or is it?

After all those have been said and done, love takes a sudden drift. A swift turn to your left and some sharp turns to your right. Will you be able to keep your sanity if after all of those days, months and years have finally come to and end? All those invested time left for… nothing? Is love still beautiful when all those songs you’ve sung just remind you of the love that’s not alive tonight? Is love still delightful after all those petty things? Things, that made you feel that there are butterflies in your stomach, but suddenly changed into a kick in the gut. And then you just stop to contemplate if love’s worth it all. If love’s worth the pain. Oh I’ll tell you. It is.

If I ask all these to someone I know, you know,  if love is worth the pain, I know he’d say it is, with no hesitation seen in his face.  This someone that I know did not sing goofy songs to win our hearts. This someone I know did not write cheesy poetry out of the love that he felt from the bottom of his heart. This someone I know did not flash his killer smile to get our attention. But I assure you that he took the risk of being in pain. He took the risk of facing rejection. He took the risk of facing death. That’s because to Him, it’s worth it. At the end of the day He said that “it is finished”. You see, to Him, love is worth the sacrifice. If it would mean that you can be with Him forever then He’s willing to take the risk. He was willing to take the risk. He willingly took the risk. And after the third day, He rose again telling you, “Hey. I love you. And you may reject me, but I still love you. You may hurt me, but it is worth it. The pain that I endured is worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are worth it because I LOVE YOU.”

And that is what love is. Not your cheesy tumblr kind of love. God is love. Oh yes, you saw that right, I was talking about Jesus! JESUS LOVES YOU. He willingly endured the cross that was supposed to be for us. He took that and took all our sins just for us to be saved. He left His comfort just for us to be in comfort. Imagine how great is his love for you! Imagine what this love is! Imagine what His will is for your life! His good pleasing and perfect will. At the end of the day, it is finished.

YOU can accept this perfect love. YOU can avail of this promised “eternal life” with Him. YOU can be His. Wanna know how? Comment below and let’s talk about it. You are blessed. YOU, You are worth it, says The Lord.

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