Life Lessons, Personal, Testimony

The Ghost of The Past Takes a Visit.

Hi everyone. I’m back. I will take the challenge of posting a blog post a day (as if I can do that). Anyway, today I’ll be talking about a very VERY personal topic which is my past. 🙂 I’ve joined our Church’s mid-year prayer and fasting and I was asking God to change my heart. Apparently, I’ve been reminded of my past and IT. DID. NOT. FEEL. GOOD. Do you know the feeling of opening a wound and putting some salt in it, nope RUBBING some salt in it? Yep, that’s what I felt. Well, not literally though. I got reminded of my past and it just haunted my mind. I’ve been staring at walls and I kinda ate tons of food. And when I say TON… I mean A LOT. (You’d even wonder if there’s more space in my big ol’ tummy). I’ve been asking God if it is possible for me to change. I mean, I’ve been struggle with my attitude and I’ve been TRYING SO HARD to be “good”. You see, I just gave up yesterday. I felt like I just CANNOT do it anymore. I give up. I just can’t change for the better, but God is so great. He reminded me that truly, I CANNOT do it on my own. I cannot change myself. Only His spirit can! He reminded me of things that I needed to remember during this pruning season and here’s a list of my struggles and what He told me about these.

     I am such an envious and jealous person.

                     This is an awful struggle that I have had since I was young. I’ve always wanted to be the best, the prettiest, the brightest, so whenever someone better comes along the envious and jealous side of me, NATURALLY comes out. I just can’t control it. I would feel so bad cause someone is better than me. God is just good for reminding me that I should not be a jealous person, He created me fearfully and wonderfully that is why I need to focus on pleasing only ONE audience, and that is Him.

     I am such an insecure human being.

It’s pretty obvious that when a person becomes jealous he or she has some insecurity issues. I’ve had insecurity issues ever since and I’ve been struggling a lot with this. The Lord is good for reminding me to put on my helmet of salvation which assures me of my security in Him. I am His princess and I am His masterpiece. Other people may be prettier than me, but I must remember that my security should not depend on that, on my grades (YES, I am SUCH a grade conscious kiddo, ever since nursery. HAHAHA. More on that later), and on anyone else, but Him. 🙂

      I am such a grade conscious person.

Some people don’t care about grade conscious people, but some people just find us pretty annoying. We worry about the slightest things in school and we get sad if we don’t get our goal in school. I’ve always been a grade conscious person. It strengthened now that I’m in college because I currently have a scholarship grant so I just felt that I needed to exert extreme effort in getting my grades up in the air (what even am I saying? I lack sleep. HAHAHA). God reminded me that my performance in school should never define who I am. He also reminded me that He loves me NO MATTER WHAT. He also told me that I should be more concerned with how I treat people in school more than my grades, because He is a relational God and He doesn’t want me to have broken relationships just because of my grades.

I am TOO proud.

Oh yes, I’ve been extremely boastful about who I am and what I can do that I sometimes forget to give God the glory. Also, I tend to forget to humble myself before Him and THAT AIN’T GOOD. He reminded me that I should not think highly of myself and instead consider others better than me. 🙂

ETC.

There are several other things that I have battled with (and I’m still battling with) and I couldn’t name these all in my blog post (trust me, that would be a bore). The point is, God reminded me that if I remain in Him and humble myself before Him, He will renew me like never before. He also reminded me of 1 John 1:9 (ESV) “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”. I wrote about my past not to confess my sins to God publicly. I’ve already done this and I wrote this to write about what I’ve been learning in this journey with The Lord. If you are reading this and if I have done something wrong to you, I ask for forgiveness and acknowledge that I am weak and imperfect. I hope that you may forgive me for whatever it is that I have done to you. Be it backstabbing, gossiping, you name it! I hope that you confront me and I hope that we can talk about it, for us to fix our relationship. I am willing to receive feedback and I am willing to learn how to improve with my behaviour. 🙂

To end this blog post, I would like to say that I feel blessed because God has reminded me of 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”. This is such an encouraging verse because even if I am imperfect, God’s perfect love washes over my sin and continually makes me new. This news is so refreshing. 🙂 I would like to encourage you today! If you feel like your past is haunting you, do not fret! Confess it to the Lord and He will forgive you. He will continually heal you. He has won the victory! IT IS FINISH! 🙂 I just pray that we continually live lives pleasing to Him. 🙂 Yes we will stumble, but we have the power to get rid of ourselves. 🙂 No longer do we live but Christ lives in us. 🙂

P.S. The Picture is not mine. Credits to Kat Uytiepo. 🙂

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